and a change of pace-->
So, it's been a pretty unproductive day, and therefore an uncomfortable day for the part of me that likes to always be doing something, the part of me that likes to be able to end the day feeling like something meaningful happened.
But really I didn't feel up for a productive day. I woke up feeling pretty useless, and then decided to play out that role, i suppose.
I keep messing up this one area of my life, and I can't stop. At least I've figured out I can't stop on my own.. I mean I've prayed and asked God to just stop me. "Stop me God!" Who else can I go to?
A lot of people have this idealistic picture of me, perhaps because I've portrayed myself that way. And my whole being would rather not wreck the picture... A good daughter, caring friend, perfect student, humble leader in the church, wise and knowledgeable, excelling musician, amazing designer, moral example: all things I've heard many times about myself... and even a couple times, 'perfect'...
Not that many of those above things aren't true, but I need someone to see deep within and realize I'm broken. Someone with love large enough not to let my brokenness repel them. Someone I can trust and tell everything, so that someone can keep me accountable.
You know there is one person I've told everything, but that person seems to be too wrapped up in their own life and troubles and romances to care...
so if someone is to ask what's going on... it better not just be out of curiosity.